periods, yeah i'm going there.

as if they are not bad enough.
they are the scourge of a woman's life from 12 years old on.
every month there are cramps, pains, headaches and fatness.
but they say it's worth it because you get a baby.
well, nothing makes them worse than a period signalling another failed month at your attempt to get pregnant.
nothing.
and so another month passes without good news.
just tampons, midol and bitchiness.

should it be this hard?

this week i heard from two of my sisters that each is pregnant.
they chatted back and forth about how fun it will be to have their babies together.
unintentionally, this feels like an exclusive club i am not a member of.
there is an aspect of internal struggle for happiness for others and pity for oneself when pregnancy is in the cards.

yesterday i went to the doctor for a round of blood draws.
they are checking my thyroid and my hormones in general.
people keep asking me if i'll hate taking a thyroid pill every day if the tests show a problem.
these are questions you ask when babies just appear in your womb without effort.
all i can think about is finding out what the problem is so we can get pregnant.
taking a pill every day seems a very small price to pay.